Who do I Run For?

Here I am, six months into my marathon journey. I find myself in a hotel room in Portland, Oregon with what seems like three complete strangers.


Two women who will be taking on the marathon along side me tomorrow, and a husband. Since we arrived, my running mates have been showcasing inspirations, motivations, stories, victories. Amy's husband will be our cheerleader on the course, Jill will be running with a picture of her son pinned to her bib.

Before leaving, Amy's co-workers threw her a small "good luck" surprise party. Well wishes and good thoughts have been pouring her way via social networking sites, text messages, etc..


Jill was given a "box of love" from her son, and her family will be watching her every move when she steps on the course.

As for me, I'm struggling. I called my dad this morning to say hello to the kids and he asked me casually how the run was - Glad it's important enough to remember the date I've been repeating for 6 months. Thanks pops. I have been pathetically seeking accolades from my peers with facebook status updates, and getting few bites. Frankly, I can't blame anyone for not understanding just how important this day is to me.


I sat down and flipped over my pace bracelet to start listing the 26 names of people who inspire me - In the past I have dedicated a mile to someone I am running for. As I looked at the blank underbelly of my pace bracelet, I asked myself "who do you run for?" or more appropriate "who are you running THIS ONE for?"


What I ended up with was 26 numbers, and no names. Yes, I have many who have inspired me, who have made me believe that I could run a whole 26.2 miles IN A ROW, but . . .


Last year I walked up to the starting line full of dissapointments. I had spent the morning on the phone listening to apologies, realizing promises of support that wouldn't be kept. It would never be as important to them as it was to me.


However, by my side was my sister - She still can never understand what it means to me (until we cross the finish line together), but she knew that it was big. And regardless of whether she ever takes up running and can truly understand, she showed up, and held me as I cried over my bastardly father who never would really care, or try to.


So this year, these miles traveled, blisters formed, tears cried, GU's consumed will be run first and foremost for me. Followed will be those that I carry in my heart; Sara, Emma, Mom, and Greg. These are the ones that whether or not they understand, it doesn't matter - They have always loved and supported me regardless of understanding or not. Because they love me.

So tomorrow will be for my wonderful sister, Sara; her beautiful daughter, Emma; my running partner and best friend, Mom; and the only man I'll ever give my heart to - Greg. But first and foremost, I run tomorrow for me. For I know I cannot let myself down.