I'm planning a full report on my marathon experience - But would like to do so whilst sober :o)
Since I don't actually have any followers, I'll be mostly free and honest about my current situation.
I returned from Portland last night, and proceeded to get very verry stoned - In hopes that I might actually be able to sleep through an entire night. Quality of sleep aside, I didn't even get the quantity I had hoped for.
Now I'm being downright impulsive - Not like this is anything new. Upon arriving home from class, I remembered I had some experimental mushrooms that had been set aside for a rainy day. It wasn't raining, but hey - I was bored.
This has been part of my recent experiment - Psychedelics and the study of new relationships, emotions, and senses that arise from their use. I'm not sure I'm seeking any sort of spiritual experiences, because frankly the last time I did that I ended up in a cult for five years. Moreso, I'm experimenting with impulsivity. The last LSD experience resulted in a tent being built in my living room, finger painting, and cuddling.
Whilst in Portland, I sat in a very classy restaurant and explained to a friend how I am often (completely sober) fighting off urges of impulse, much like an eight year old. The previous night I had watched two young boys, probably about ten, exhibiting what I feel on a day to day basis. They had to be quiet, engage in polite conversation with people they had little interest, and act under a certain set of expectations. All the while, the boys are looking around, wanting to touch, laugh, play - I could tell. I wanted to play too. And my suspicions were confirmed when I saw them sneak away to the bathroom, discovering a large tub of wine corks. The boys dug their paws into the corks - smelling, touching, experiencing.
My friend proceeded to fold her cloth napkin into a hat and placed it on her head. I loved it. The rest of my party was less amused. Point proven.
Why do we hold back? At what age do we realize that acting on impulse is inappropriate? Shouldn't we be experiencing everything to it's fullest in our short lives?
Which brings me back to my experiment. What I've discovered is that I don't really need psychedelics to have impulsive desires at the surface - I use them because when I do, I have the freedom to act on these impulses in an explicable fashion. I create an environment of impulsivity. It's safe there. When sharing about finger painting, or the fact that the tent has now become my primary living quarters, people wonder. But if you add a little LSD into the equation, it makes sense to those boring "sit and talkers."
I'll end on this. At least I think I will - But who knows given my current condition. . . Jill and I got onto the elevator in our hotel (after a few glasses of very good wine) and read that the elevator had just been painted - DON'T TOUCH! This was glorious for me. I wanted to reach out and make my mark. Like any normal eight year old. But with me was a very realistic, a-type, new friend. She took a picture. I kept quiet and did not touch.
Next time - I'm making art in that damn elevator.
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